What a relief that the Police have cut crime to such an extent they are now able to concentrate on real criminals and take the time to view the evidence with which to prosecute them.
Demanding to see the secretly filmed footage of Amy Winehouse’s latest lapse into a drug-induced oblivion, they clearly see the 'crime solved' rates soaring ever upwards.
Quite rightly, less important crimes such as murder, gun running, people trafficking, anti social behaviour, car theft, and armed robbery can now be put firmly on the back-burner whilst they give Ms. Winehouse the undivided attention of their best investigators.
I would like to suggest that they call up the helipcopters and armed response units at the same time and waste even more of tax-payers money on their own surveillance, as opposed to relying on Rupert Murdoch's.
That, of course, is when they are'nt busy parading around in matching white baseball caps demanding higher wages or interviewing anne robinson to see what she thinks about Welsh people.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Monday, 21 January 2008
What's So Special About Northern Rock?
At last!!! a financial rescue package has been made available for small private businesses who are experiencing difficulties staying afloat in these troubled times.
The government, with the personal attention of Gordon Brown himself, is obviously going to come to the rescue of all , with large cash sums and the help of businessmen such as Richard Branson.
I can now rest assured, that even though the Banks have already lent me more than my assets are worth - which makes no sense to my accountant - and that I have been trading insolvently - which is apparantly a crime, with Gordon giving me lots of money, and the taxpayer chipping in as well, my failing business can be turned around and the British economy saved at the same time.
The government, with the personal attention of Gordon Brown himself, is obviously going to come to the rescue of all , with large cash sums and the help of businessmen such as Richard Branson.
I can now rest assured, that even though the Banks have already lent me more than my assets are worth - which makes no sense to my accountant - and that I have been trading insolvently - which is apparantly a crime, with Gordon giving me lots of money, and the taxpayer chipping in as well, my failing business can be turned around and the British economy saved at the same time.
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
Hollywood Writers On Strike
This could be the opportunity that we amateurs have been waiting for. Perhaps we could step into the breach and tell it like it really is?
Perhaps now, 'The Hero' will have more than the requisite ‘24 hours’ to get himself out of trouble.
He will have more time, than whatever the timer is set at, to diffuse ‘the bomb‘.
He wont have to be framed and shot before he discovers who the ‘bad’ cop is - because he is the hero, he will know already.
He wont always get the girl.
He will be able to consign favourite phrases such as: 'lets DO this!' - 'weve got a situation here' - ‘I just got to get me one of those’ - ‘I’m getting too old for this shit‘ - ‘I’ve got a really bad feeling about this’ - & 'Nuke 'em, lets nuke the bastards'- to the dustbin where they belong.
America will cease to be ‘The Leaders of the Free World’ and they will cease to lay claim to having invented everything from the bikini (early Roman) to the jet engine ( Frank Whittle) to the Enigma machine (scientists at Bletchley Park - that’s in England) - and - most importantly, the second world war will have the correct start date (1939 and NOT 1942 when you yanks decided to join in!)
Perhaps they should'nt stay on strike for too long - we could get used to it!! On the other hand, it may re-educate the American cinema-going public.
Perhaps now, 'The Hero' will have more than the requisite ‘24 hours’ to get himself out of trouble.
He will have more time, than whatever the timer is set at, to diffuse ‘the bomb‘.
He wont have to be framed and shot before he discovers who the ‘bad’ cop is - because he is the hero, he will know already.
He wont always get the girl.
He will be able to consign favourite phrases such as: 'lets DO this!' - 'weve got a situation here' - ‘I just got to get me one of those’ - ‘I’m getting too old for this shit‘ - ‘I’ve got a really bad feeling about this’ - & 'Nuke 'em, lets nuke the bastards'- to the dustbin where they belong.
America will cease to be ‘The Leaders of the Free World’ and they will cease to lay claim to having invented everything from the bikini (early Roman) to the jet engine ( Frank Whittle) to the Enigma machine (scientists at Bletchley Park - that’s in England) - and - most importantly, the second world war will have the correct start date (1939 and NOT 1942 when you yanks decided to join in!)
Perhaps they should'nt stay on strike for too long - we could get used to it!! On the other hand, it may re-educate the American cinema-going public.
Dead Man Crashing
Did anybody (excuse the pun) see a documentary with Sterling Moss, which looked at the use of cadavers in the research of crash impact on car passengers .
In America, it would appear that real dead bodies are used to measure possible head and spinal injuries in the event of crashing.
Here are some questions for the researchers:
Where do these bodies come from? and do their relatives know?
Have they had their organs removed?
Who cleans up after the crash?
Does one have to carry a card, like a sort of `anti´organ donor card in order to avoid being used as a cheap alternative to crash test dummies?
Are the cadavers kept in the deep freeze and de-frosted for the action scenes? Or do they have a 'sell by' date?
I've never minded having my body used for scientific research, after death preferably, but do i really want to take part in what must resemble a sequel to Night of the Living Dead?
When our loved ones depart, do we really want them to embark on the journey into the afterlife by being flung out of a Porsch at 80 miles per hour whilst doing a passable impersonation of Boris Karloff. I think not!
In America, it would appear that real dead bodies are used to measure possible head and spinal injuries in the event of crashing.
Here are some questions for the researchers:
Where do these bodies come from? and do their relatives know?
Have they had their organs removed?
Who cleans up after the crash?
Does one have to carry a card, like a sort of `anti´organ donor card in order to avoid being used as a cheap alternative to crash test dummies?
Are the cadavers kept in the deep freeze and de-frosted for the action scenes? Or do they have a 'sell by' date?
I've never minded having my body used for scientific research, after death preferably, but do i really want to take part in what must resemble a sequel to Night of the Living Dead?
When our loved ones depart, do we really want them to embark on the journey into the afterlife by being flung out of a Porsch at 80 miles per hour whilst doing a passable impersonation of Boris Karloff. I think not!
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